Madden: The Drinking Game


First and foremost, the picture for this post has nothing to do with Madden: The Drinking Game. Although that IS my regular Monday night drinking buddy, that’s simply an awesome picture of him laying on a dong-shaped puddle and I had no other use for it.

That being said, every Monday night is also Madden night – a night for football.  It’s a man-night that relieves the tension of the week with big hits, crap talking and brewskies.  At this point we are by no means amateurs and have fine-tuned “penalty drinks” to make for interesting games.  Here’s the formula, and please share your own if you feel so inclined.   It’s nothing more than regulating your drinking (which you should be doing anyway with Madden), but it’s a hell of a lot of fun if your team sucks:

 

SERVINGS

1 Beer = One 12 oz beer

1/2 Beer = 6 oz of beer in a glass (duh)

Shot = 1 Shot of alcohol

The Horn = One 18 oz beer from DAS HORN

 

PENALTIES:

 

THROW AND INTERCEPTION – 1/2 beer

THROW A PICK 6 – DAS HORN

FUMBLE AND RECOVER – 1/2 beer

FUMBLE AND LOSE IT – 1 beer

LOSE A FUMBLE AND GIVE UP THE TD ON THE SAME PLAY – Shot

GIVE UP A TD – 1/2 beer

GIVE UP A +50 FG – 1/2 beer (nobody cares about chip shots)

GIVE UP A KICK/PUNT RETURN FOR A TD – 1 beer

LOSING AT HALF TIME – 1/2 beer

LOSE GAME – 1 beer

LOSE BY 14+ – DAS HORN

LOSE BY 20+ – Shot

WALK AWAY SCORELESS FROM A 1ST AND GOAL – 1 beer

GO FOR IT ON 4TH AND LOSE IT – DAS HORN

GIVE UP A 50+ YARD RUN FOR A TD = 1/2 beer

GIVE UP A 60+ YARD PASS FOR TD = 1/2 beer

 

RULES:

#1 – All drinks can be substituted for slaps or push ups at the drinker’s discretion (this comes in handy as the night goes on).  This usually comes right after, “Shit man, I don’t think I can drink anymore”

  • 1/2 beer = 20 pushups
  • 1 beer = 1 slap
  • DAS HORN and SHOTS aren’t transferrable…at this point, the night is done

#2 – When drinking a penalty, it has to be in the following order:

  • Pick the next play – this enables the “winner” of the situation to pick theirs and begin the snap/playclock at their discretion
  • Begin the penalty drink
  • Don’t touch your controller until the drink is finished and the glass is refilled
  • Once the penalty drink is complete you can pick up your control and resume immediately, be it mid-play or play-call screen

#3 – Penalized player is responsible for keeping a minimum of four half-beer glasses, one shot and 2 full beers available and topped off

#4 DAS HORN is to remain empty until needed.  If the penalty is DAS HORN, the penalized player must fill and drink DAS HORN until empty. The other player is permitted to pick your play and continue on until you’re finished.  *NOTE, during this “oh shit” phase, you can’t incur another penalty, but gameplay resumes from whatever situation has come to fruition through your lack of quick drinking.

Usually all this works out to be 2-3 beers per 7-minute game unless you’re a KC or JAGS fan.  In that case, may the force be with you.  Usually we randomize until two teams within 6 points of each other pop up – usually evens it out.

Have fun and be safe.  Let me know about your Madden drinking strategies.

 

PS4 user – EhScotch

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Categories: EVERYTHING (in no particular order), Humor

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